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Talented Octopus

An old timer walked into the bar of a coastal pub carrying a wet sack that dripped water all over the floor of the bar. The publican asked:

"What you got in the sack?"

"It's me pet octopus."

"Give us a look."

The old timer reached down into the sack, pulled out the octopus and plonked him on the bar. Arms and legs waved everywhere.

"Very interesting," said the publican, "but I'm not sure I want one of them things in my bar."

"It's okay," said the old timer. "He's tame. And not only that, but he's trained. Do you know that this octopus can play any musical instrument that you give him. Look at this."

He gave the octopus a flute and it played a little tune. He took it away and gave him a violin and the octopus played again. After several other instruments had been demonstrated the publican said:

"Any musical instrument, eh? Any musical instrument at all?"

"That's right."

"Stay here for a few minutes will you?"

The publican went away and after a time came back with a set of bagpipes.
"Can he play this?"

"Course he can. Just give it to him."

The publican gave the bagpipes to the octopus. The octopus crawled round one side. Then he came back and crawled round the other side. Then he crawled over the top. Then he dived underneath.

"Why isn't he playing them?" asked the publican.

"He will. He will. Just as soon as he discovers he can't screw 'em."

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