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Rugby jokes, rugby humour and comedy.

Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

Why don't rugby players have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

Why do rugby players like smart women?
Opposites attract.

Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
Because it saves time.

Two Rugby fans are arguing about how to pronounce the team name Wigan. The first fan says, "I say it's Vigan," but the other fan says, "No, it's not, it's Wigan. I bet you five pounds I'm right."

"Okay," says the first fan, "you're on. I'll ask that man walking up the street. So he stops the man walking up the street and says, "Excuse me, my friend and I are having an argument. Do you say Wigan or Vigan?"

"It's Vigan."

"Ta, mate," says the first fan as he collects his five pounds.

"You're velcome," says the man walking up the street.

Why did the manager take all the pencils off his players?
To stop them drawing.

Teacher: "I thought you told me you wouldn't be in school yesterday because you had to see your doctor?" Pupil: "That's right." Teacher: "Then how come I saw you at the rugby match with a tall man in a suit?" Pupil: "That was my doctor."

Why did the rugby player go to see the vet?
His calves were hurting.

Why was the car not allowed to play rugby?
It only had one boot.

Why didn't the bicycle play rugby?
It was two tyred.

Rugby player in Chinese restaurant:
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

A man went to the doctor one day and said:
"I've just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt."
So the doctor said: "You've broken your finger."

What's a bee's favourite sport?

Second rugby player in restaurant:
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."

Third rugby player in restaurant:
"Waiter, I say, there are two ears in my soup."
Waiter: "Eh?"

There's a man sitting in the front row at the Rugby World Cup Finals, but amazingly, there's an empty seat beside him. Another man spots it, goes up to him and says: "Do you mind if I sit here?"
"No, not at all," replies the first man. "It's my wife's seat, but she's just died."
"So why didn't you get one of your family to come," asks the second man out of curiosity.
"They're all at the funeral."

A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off. Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing Rugby for good. His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way.

One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing sportswear business. He bought the company outright but after signing on the dotted line, realised that he knew nothing about business. He decided to employ someone to run the shop.

The next day he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the interview, the former rugby player asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

And the man replied, "Why, yes, I couldn't help noticing you have no ears." The rugby player got angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

She replied: "Well, you have no ears." He got upset again and showed her the door.

The third and last interview was with the best of the three. He was a very young man fresh out of college. He was smart and handsome and seemed to know all about the sportswear business.

The Rugby player was anxious, but went ahead and asked him the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the young man answered: "Yes, you wear contact lenses."

The former rugby player was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man you are.

How in the world did you know that?"

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no flipping ears."

A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the local Rugby match and Dad can't find the tickets.
Dad: "Nip home and see if I left the tickets there."
Bobby: "No probs, Dad."
Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium.
Bobby: "Yep, they're on the kitchen table where you left them."


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